눉Attention to detail all around was atrocious. At breakfast, every single thing needed an additional request or reminder. We waited routinely for the right cutlery for everything. Juice was boxed and poor quality. It's supposed to be a five star hotel; you can't manage to buy some Sir Juice down the road? Spinach was unwashed and gritty, and one morning I found a rubber band in my omelet. Oh, and a few (completely normal) things my boyfriend ordered were met with outright insults by the staff. When he ordered capers to go with his smoked salmon, the waitress first did not know what they were, and then served them with a look of disgust and a comment, "I don't know how you eat these things." When he ordered a double cappuccino the next day, she served it saying, "It's too strong, né?" and again, a look of disgust. It's fine and cute if you're in a casual family diner, but again, this is supposed to be a five-star experience.
When the management apologized for the rubber band in the omelet, they sent a bottle of JC LeRoux - the cheapest, tackiest, most bottom-of-the-line champagne (truly, the type that teenagers each chip in a few rand to get trashed on) - to the room, along with some chocolates that were equally horrible (I tried to give them away at the office, I could not GIVE AWAY these chocolates). There was a typed apology note, with my name, but apologizing for "the loud noise in the evening." There was no such noise, we never complained about any noise, and a manager explicitly said "Very sorry about your breakfast experience, we've sent champagne and chocolates to the room to apologize." So someone took the time to print a note, change the name, but not look at the rest of the note? It was just funny, really. The intentions were there, but not any attention to detail.
눇The room itself, bed, and bathroom were all fine. Decor a little dated but not really a problem. Gym was adequate but cramped. Spa was nice; massage was perfectly nice but I am no connoisseur. Dinner at the restaurant was very nice - baffling, then, that breakfast was so consistently awful.